Buying a Cat with My Son

During the May Day holiday, my son suddenly said he wanted a pet and asked us to take him to the pet market. Once there, he saw a cat he could not put down; while petting it he was infinitely gentle. I urged him to look at other shops, but he was reluctant. I finally persuaded him to visit other stores; he looked at several pets and was not satisfied, and in the end still felt the first kitten he had seen was the most to his liking.

When he was in primary school, my son once kept hamsters and guinea pigs, but he had no patience to care for them. I said to him, you had no patience to care for pets before; do you really have the patience to care for a cat this time? Think again, and decide whether to buy after you are sure. He said to me that I should not compare the twelve-year-old him with the present him; he had grown up, and my bringing up old childhood matters again was meaningless.

This was true; an eighteen-year-old is indeed very different from before. Previously, at meals, whenever he encountered foods he liked such as chicken wings, he always grabbed them first; now, when these dishes are cooked at home, he counts how many chicken wings are on the plate, eats at most one third, and leaves the rest for us. Now when we go out, he also volunteers to carry heavy things. Before I knew it, that self-centered child had grown into a warm young man who looks after his elders and younger siblings.

Seeing how determined my son was, I agreed to buy him a pet this time. But I suggested he choose from many options, not necessarily a cat; he might also consider a puppy, since puppies are a bit easier to care for than kittens. We then browsed another pet shop and saw a Corgi; I asked my son's opinion. He said, Dad, you decide. And he told his mother, Dad likes dogs a bit more, so let Dad decide. In his heart he actually could not bear to part with that cat; in another shop selling rabbits, he told his mother that the purpose of this trip was to buy a cat.

Had this been a few years ago, the child would never have considered my feelings; he would have cared more about what he himself wanted. The boy has truly become much more sensible than before and knows how to put himself in others' shoes, which makes me very gratified. A person who knows how to perspective-take is not prone to being paranoid or extreme. Ever since he was born, I have hoped he would grow into someone who can put himself in others' shoes.

I certainly would not disappoint the child. Seeing how fond he was of that pale-yellow kitten, and that after holding it, no other pet in the whole market could move his heart, how could I possibly disappoint him? So we went back to that shop and bargained with the owner; the owner came down a little, and we bought the cat.

Children today are lonely. Because of the pandemic, his three years of high school saw little socializing among classmates, and he spent over half his time taking online classes at home, so wanting a companion animal is a very reasonable emotional need. Even if we save a little elsewhere, I am willing to satisfy this need first. People are emotional beings, and the emotion that most needs cultivating and satisfying is love.

The cat was brought home, and my son's joy shone on his face as he gently stroked this pet of his own; that heartfelt love made this old father deeply gratified. Relatives and friends have all told me that my son treats people generously, always yields to his younger siblings and rarely gets angry. But after all there was no younger brother or sister at home to keep him company long-term; now that a cat is with him, this shortcoming can be remedied. If the fertility policy ten years ago had been like today's, I think I would not have hesitated to have another child; an only child is truly too lonely.

The college entrance exam is still a month away; the child wanting a cat at this time may also be related to pre-exam pressure. At school, many children are already under unbearable pressure as the exam approaches. This graduating class's high school career has indeed been unusual, and their psychological development has been affected in some ways. In a sense, a pet can compensate him emotionally.

I do not care how my son does on the college entrance exam; what I care more about is his psychological well-being. A lifetime is short if you say it is short, long if you say it is long; as long as one perseveres, one can always do well what one wants to do. The success or failure of the college entrance exam has truly negligible influence on a whole life. So I always teach him not to take temporary gains and losses too heavily, to keep a longer view, to have a calmer temperament, and not to fear failure.

To make his temperament calmer, I have made many efforts. But on this issue, a father's preaching may be far less effective than a cat's company. Mr. Ji Xianlin had a detached mind and loved cats all his life; his study was a cat's paradise, and it is said that when he wrote, his cats liked to frolic on his desk. When a person has a rich inner world, he will not fuss over gains and losses in life. Without the company of cats, Mr. Ji would surely have been much lonelier; absolute loneliness often easily leads a person toward paranoia and extremism.

I love gardening; the flowers, green plants and vegetables I grow have always accompanied me and, like pets, have given me much spiritual comfort, so I can understand my son's wish for a cat. At a certain age, a person truly needs a way to relax the spirit. The ancients said that indulging in hobbies ruins ambition; from my own life experience I think this idiom should not be overinterpreted. Hobbies or pets, as long as not excessive, not only do not ruin ambition but greatly help in cultivating a calm temperament. And if a person wants to long persevere on one path, I think the most important thing is a calm temperament. As the old saying goes, steady going goes far; to go steadily, one must first be calm and even-tempered.