Do Not Let Your Desires Exceed Your Abilities

When desire is smaller than ability, a person is very happy; the reverse is very painful. There are two things I insist on doing every day: one is, several times a day amid the morning bells and evening drums, reminding myself to control my desires so they do not cloud my mind and reason; the other is to study every day, making up for dullness with diligence, advancing one soldier a day, accumulating little by little to raise my ability. I have kept at these two points for more than ten years and intend to keep them up for the rest of my life; this is my secret to being easily happy.

Over time this awareness has sunk into my bones and become the most important part of my soul. I often say I ask for little and already have enough; this is what I truly feel. I do not have many needs; what I have obtained now, materially or spiritually, far exceeds my needs. My needs are less than one percent of what I have, so my ability to cope with life is more than equal to it; precisely because of this, I have an abundance of happiness.

I have never considered myself a Buddhist believer, but I still like facing the Buddha every day and striking the singing bowl an uncertain number of times, using this as a way to talk with myself. The content of the conversation has not changed in decades; it is always reminding myself to reflect on the various mistakes I have made and to control my desires. I do not need anyone to be an intermediary between me and the Buddha; I take no refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, or the Sangha. These clay and wood Buddha statues are merely a bridge between me and my own inner self.

I have loved music since childhood; unfortunately my father, at the time, thought studying music would affect my schoolwork, so he would not let me learn music from him. I do not blame him; perhaps if I had studied music then, I would not write essays at my present level. I also enjoy writing in a smooth, flowing way.

I should have some musical talent, because my father was highly gifted musically. He played the flute beautifully and was quite good on the erhu. If he had been willing to teach me when I was small, he could have given me a solid musical childhood foundation, but he simply would not teach. When I grew up and could steer my own life, I began to learn to play the guqin; a friend also gave me a konghou (empty-spring drum) to learn to strike.

But in the end I found that what I can truly keep at is striking the singing bowl every day; the konghou I just bang like an ordinary drum. No sheet music, no need to care about rhythm, just strike however I like, as long as it sounds good to me. The reason is none other than that such striking is the simplest. People always find it easy to keep doing a simple thing to the end, rather than persisting in complex things. Likewise, I write every day simply because writing is, for me, an effortless thing—not because I am exceptionally gifted, but because I have spent over thirty years learning to write, and now practice has made it easy.

I have no interest in complex Buddhist doctrine; I feel that being happy is not such a complicated matter. As long as I control my desires and can easily handle the various burdens of present life, I can be very happy. In my experience, the lighter the load, the easier it is to carry. How to make the load of life lighter? Just lower desires. When desires come down and there are not so many demands, there is not such a heavy burden. As for ability, I am really not outstanding; many people in this world are far more capable than I. But what does that matter? My needs are fewer than theirs; without being as capable as they, I can be satisfied, so why should I need to be so capable?

I do not plan to study any religious knowledge in depth, nor do I plan to delve into psychology. I am already very happy, so there is no need to seek the secret of happiness from such knowledge. Leave these very difficult matters to the big-brained people; a simple fellow like me only needs to do simple things. My value lies in being able to keep doing the simple things; I have seen many people smarter than I, but few more patient than I.

I am quite satisfied with worldly life. If there really is an afterlife, I would still choose to come to the world and live a secular life, still preferring to keep a certain distance from the world in my present way. But I am a determined atheist, so I do not believe at all in past or future lives; let me just live this life well.

There are too many people in the world whose desires far exceed their abilities; I make no judgment about them. Everyone has his own choice, and that is his freedom, but everyone's choice must also be his own responsibility. I have always taught my child that whatever choices he makes, he must be responsible for them himself; he cannot expect others to satisfy his desires, not even his parents.

If a person is responsible for his own choices from childhood, he can train a good ability to harmonize his mind and body, and become a person who asks nothing of others. Many asking brings suffering; few desires bring peace. The less a person needs to seek from the outside world, the easier it is for his heart to settle. Relatively speaking, the less we interact with the outside world, the higher our happiness and security in this world.

This is my understanding of life. I do not plan to change this understanding, because it keeps my heart at peace. Nor do I plan to sell this understanding to others, because I know many people do not agree with it; I am not the embodiment of truth, nor am I fond of playing the teacher. I am merely muttering to myself, speaking for my own ears.