Enjoying the Joy of Being "Ordinary Among the Crowd"

Wang Anshi of the Song Dynasty wrote an essay entitled "Shang Zhongyong" (Lamenting Zhongyong). Its gist is that a boy named Fang Zhongyong was extraordinarily clever in childhood, but grew up to become an ordinary man, "merged into the common crowd."

We Chinese seem to have an innate fear of "merging into the common crowd." Many people hope to rise above others, as if only those who stand out are qualified to live like a human being. This is a very unhealthy culture and one of our cultural dregs. At its root, it is a deeply ingrained culture of inferiority, a manifestation of the idea of unequal personality formed within a long-standing hierarchical society.

Wang Anshi can be called a great political reformer, but judging from the way he conducted himself, he most likely had a mental illness. He was reclusive and paranoid, made enemies everywhere, lacked empathy and tolerance, and could not handle relationships well. By today's psychiatric diagnostic criteria, he may have had paranoid or narcissistic personality disorder.

The essay "Shang Zhongyong" reflects Wang Anshi's inner world. In today's internet slang, he had a "strength-admiring" mentality; only someone who is simultaneously inferior and arrogant inside can admire strength so strongly. Their inner logic is that a person deserves respect only if they are outstanding, and once they decline from being outstanding to "ordinary among the crowd," they are no longer enviable. "Shang Zhongyong" even reveals a Schadenfreude of a petty person, a mindset that some inferior people often use to comfort themselves.

This toxic culture of ours still prevails in the world today. Many people go through life feeling unfulfilled, as if they are inferior to others. We have an innate fear of "being ordinary among the crowd." We were pushed by our parents to become "dragons," and in turn we hope our own offspring will stand out, generation after generation. Carried to an extreme, this idea produces many twisted minds.

When Truman was elected U.S. president, someone went to congratulate his mother on having a son of whom she could be proud. Truman's mother said: "Yes, I am proud of him. But I also have another son, and I am proud of him too; he is digging potatoes right now." This was a very loving mother who treated her children equally. Whether or not her children achieved enviable success, as long as her sons were happy, she felt proud and happy for them.

The vast majority of us will ultimately "merge into the common crowd." If, from the very start of life, we could enjoy the life of being ordinary rather than basing our happiness on standing out and being accustomed to comparing ourselves with others, I think many people would be far happier than they are now.

In my work I have encountered too many people with psychological imbalance. They already look very successful, yet they still suffer from depression, anxiety, fear, and other negative emotions. A large part of the cause is that they were not treated well in childhood, and they also deeply worry that their children are not doing well. To others these people are purely "unaware of their own blessings," yet their own painful feelings are very real.

Human desires keep inflamed by the drive not to be "ordinary among the crowd." Strong desire can indeed stir one's fighting spirit and bring greater worldly success, but it can also produce mentally ill patients. Meanwhile, many people who have achieved great things do not actually have strong desires; they look very ordinary, and even when they become dazzling stars they remain as ordinary as ever. What drives them to achievement is not desire but interest.

Interest is more lasting and more harmless than desire. Desire makes a person restless, while interest allows a person to immerse himself. People whose desire is thwarted easily break down mentally, but interest has no such thing as being thwarted. When a person does something he is interested in, his mood is pleasant, his attitude calm, and he can persist for a long time. I admire everyone who plans his life according to his own interests, and I am committed to raising my own child to live a life guided by personal interest.

A person immersed in his own interests does not care whether he is "ordinary among the crowd." Whether the outside world looks up to us or down on us has nothing to do with us. It is absurd for a person to hand the value of his life over to others for evaluation. We are masters of our own destiny, not servants in others' eyes. In my view, "being ordinary among the crowd" is no great disaster; it should be a joyful norm of life.