Farewell to 2018: A Joyful Heart, Beyond Gain and Loss

Every year at the year's end, I write an article to bid the year farewell.

What theme should this year's year-end article take? I thought it over and chose this title: A Joyful Heart, Beyond Gain and Loss.

After experiencing one parting and one bereavement after another, my heart has grown soft and gentle. What I am glad for is that, in dealing with people, I have less and less anger, replaced by a gentle smile that often rises to my face.

Of course, I must not blow my own trumpet too loudly. Over the past year I also lost my temper a few times; though each fit of anger lasted only a very short while, I was by no means gentle all the time.

Still, compared with the year before, I have been far less angry; compared with myself ten years ago, it is an entirely different story. I hope that in the new year I can reach a state of having no angry moments at all.

At the end of 2018, I spent nearly two months reading in a small, all-but-abandoned temple. For three years running, because the work intensity was too great and the pace of life too fast, I developed a patch of alopecia areata every winter and had to prescribe myself some medicine to make it go away. This year there was no recurrence. At last the pace of life has slowed down, and high-intensity work has become bearable medium-intensity work.

Many things happened in 2018, some favorable to me, some unfavorable. But whether favorable or unfavorable, they all quickly became the past.

Matters pass without leaving a trace; however stormy they may be, they cannot change my calm and lighthearted state of mind. I want to thank my parents for giving me such good genes, so that living to this age I can finally be content and happy even in the face of towering waves.

I pray for the forgiveness of everyone I have ever hurt, and hope that every person I have wounded can be happy. Though by my temperament I rarely set out to hurt others, perhaps unintentionally some of my words and deeds still stung some people. I hope those I have hurt can step out of the shadow of unhappiness and live happy and fulfilling lives.

At the same time, I forgive everyone who has hurt me. Of course, the word "forgive" is not quite right, but I cannot find a more fitting word. I do not feel qualified to talk condescendingly about forgiveness, but I truly do not hold grudges against anyone who has hurt me.

As for those I have helped, I still hope as always that you will forget that I helped you. Beyond wishing you happiness, I ask for nothing.

I do not want anyone to repay me. If someone wishes to repay my help to him, then quietly go help some other people who need help! I already live well; I need nothing more.

What I have sought, some I have obtained and some I have not. But whether obtained or not, it really does not matter. Because in essence I seek nothing. The reason I seem to have some goals is merely to conform to the world and accommodate its customs. To me, gain is not gain, and loss is not loss. Though not detached from the world, I am all but free of desires and demands.

A single fresh flower, a patch of white cloud, a stone, a bridge, a mountain, a river—all stir my joyful heart and fill me with happiness and contentment, keeping a smile on my face. I have never been troubled by a life of plain food and simple fare; enough clothes to cover the body and enough food to fill the stomach mean no further wants.

But on the professional road, I have never stopped moving forward. This year, as in past years, I relieved the suffering of some families, though I have no ability to solve the troubles of every person who turns to me. My tireless efforts have still brought good news to a few. I am glad that I have not wasted the year.

This full and interesting year has passed like that. For a person already accustomed to diligence, not having wasted the years is the best reward.

Most of the time this year, I have had a joyful heart. And with that joyful heart I accompanied my beloved, my family, and also the many people who turned to me for help.

This joy springs from within, is written on the face, and finds expression in words. It is real and not false; it nourishes me and also those who are close to me. Most of this year, I could greet everyone who saw me with a gentle smile.

It is as though a sun or a bright moon shone in my heart; for a whole year, cold or dark moods never troubled me. Anxiety came occasionally but vanished at once.

I am full of gratitude for this: grateful to my parents, my teachers, my beloved, and all those I love, because together they shaped my soul—this soul that knows no loneliness, no fatigue, no distress. This soul is always full of passion and vitality, and so I have always been sunny and young, always energetic and full of joy.

I bid farewell to my 2018 and welcome my 2019 with this article. And I sincerely hope that everyone can live a happy life, with a heartfelt smile blooming on their face at all times.