The Fine Art of Withdrawal: Deaf, Dumb and Foolish

The action of force is mutual; when we influence the outside world, it also influences us. So whether a person can live in this world with little disturbance depends entirely on his own attitude toward the world.

Humans are social animals and cannot avoid dealing with the outside world; in the process of dealing, friction is also unavoidable.

If you want to reduce friction and live more lightly and freely, you must learn some fine arts of withdrawal. I can sum up, in three words, the masterly withdrawal techniques the wise have distilled: deaf, dumb, and foolish.

Besides eating, the greatest function of the human mouth and tongue is speaking. The idle gossip of the world is the most abundant thing of all; if a person mixes in the world and always seeks psychological balance in the various rumors and slander, he will live into a downright disaster.

Gossip, whether listening to it or speaking it, wastes time and invites trouble. The Buddhist canon lists twenty hardships of human life, one of which is "the hardship of not speaking of right and wrong." There are many people in the world who talk of right and wrong; if we ourselves unfortunately become one of them, we must find a way to pull ourselves out of this mire. After all, being a gossip is a disgusting thing.

So, be dumb when one should be dumb. Keeping one's mouth shut is a deeper discipline than speaking; it requires sufficient cultivation and self-restraint.

If we ourselves are unfortunately caught in others' rumors and slander, we should also act decisively and immediately stay away from this right and wrong. Buddhism says: for right and wrong, not arguing is liberation. Straining to justify oneself only sinks one into greater right and wrong.

A dialogue between the ancient Chinese monks Hanshan and Shide is quite illuminating. Hanshan asked: "In the world there are people who slander me, insult me, belittle me, laugh at me, bully me, and treat me as base. How should I deal with this?" Shide replied: "Just bear him, yield to him, avoid him, endure him, let him, respect him, and pay him no heed; after a few years, just look at him again." Shide's attitude is well worth learning.

So, be deaf when one should be deaf; the idle chatter of the world is better left unheard.

There is a famous line in Dream of the Red Chamber: "Overly calculating cleverness, it undid her very own life." Clever people often do not live long, while fools have later blessings. What life fears most is being too "clever": fearing loss in every matter, fearing being fooled in every matter—such a person is bound to sink into endless strife.

And when strife between people increases, the emotions are affected and health suffers. A fool does not haggle with people, because the fool cannot calculate gain and loss.

So, be foolish when one should be foolish. Being a little foolish is not scary; what is scary is being so clever that one's eyes hold no sand.

People are mostly not done in by others; we do ourselves in. Though the ways of the world and human hearts are indeed treacherous, it is not true that there is no way to avoid them. One may choose withdrawal; withdrawal is a necessary survival wisdom in a complex society.

Internal friction is terrible, but it is we ourselves, not anyone else, who sink us into it. If a person consciously chooses to avoid unnecessary occasions and strife, how can this world make things difficult for him? Every problem is first of all our own problem; once we solve our own problems, the problems others bring us will also be readily solved.