Give Your Child Confidence, Dignity, and Freedom, and Let Him Spread His Wings
My son recently took part in the selection contest for the national high-school math, physics, and chemistry Olympiad. He won first prize in math and chemistry and second prize in physics, advancing in all three subjects. Such results are rare at his school and rare among high schools nationwide. Our little eagle at home has begun to spread his wings and fly; this is the thing that has made me happiest at the end of this year.
We are the classic hands-off parents: we did not sign our child up for training classes, did not buy him mountains of study materials, and did not hover over him while he did homework. The only thing that could be called control is supervising him to go to bed early every day. We allowed him to go online, even allowed him to play games, but the internet was forcibly cut off at 9:30 p.m., and at ten o'clock we began urging him to sleep; no matter how much homework there was, in principle he was not allowed to go to bed later than eleven—and he only very occasionally failed to meet this.
Beyond that, it was the subtle influence of words and example. Having left school for so many years, I myself have never stopped learning; decades of diligence and effort, never ceasing to write. This has greatly influenced my son; action is always more persuasive than words.
My consistent educational principle is to respect the child's freedom, encourage him to think independently, encourage him to question the authority of teachers and elders, and encourage him to debate with us—but to require that he must respect, love, and trust his teachers, always treating them as family. In this regard I have always set an example for him; all my life I have treated my teachers and masters as family, respecting and loving them.
At the same time, most crucially: no matter how poorly he does on an exam, I tell him that I have great confidence in him, that this unsatisfactory result is not his true level, and that I believe he can certainly score well—and score well without needing to go to tutoring classes. At an age when he is not yet mature, when he loves to play and his grades are not the best, I patiently wait for him to grow, in no rush to dismiss him.
This kind of encouragement has kept my son confident and never discouraged. I continually buy him extracurricular books according to his interests; his personal collection has already exceeded a thousand books, and at this age he has begun to read widely. On the question of buying books for the child, I grant every request. These books are not required by exam-oriented education, but they broaden his mind and horizons; I want my child to grow in a well-rounded way.
On the matter of study, since my son entered high school he has been just like I was back in high school: both of us models of diligence, and through diligence scored good results. Although our intelligence may genuinely not be of the very best kind, I used to be the hardest-working and most seriously studying person among those around me. Today, my son is the same kind of person; his teachers never stop praising his diligence.
My life now is indeed a bit easier than many people's; this was earned through my long years of effort. To this day I have not abandoned the habit of diligent study and practice, still learning and writing every day. I have always emphasized one point to my son: we are not the people with the greatest natural talent, but we have above-average talent; if we work hard enough, that little bit of talent plus our effort can let us be the best. We must hold this belief; only by firmly believing it will we not give up lightly, nor grow lazy.
Our little eagle at home has finally spread his wings. Before high school, his mother always worried that my approach—relying on blind trust and treating extracurricular tutoring as no big deal—would make the child suffer in this fiercely competitive era. I always urged her to just wait quietly for the flowers to bloom; if by chance the child did not turn out accomplished, at least his upbringing would have been relaxed and happy, and as long as we accepted him, that would be fine. Now that our son is outstanding, his mother is also very happy. I have never believed that a child who has been forced up by pulling at his seedlings will have a happy life.
It is a slight regret that my son does not want to study the life sciences as I do, does not want to be a doctor, and only wants to be a mathematician. I have always believed that only when the most talented people study the life sciences can the life sciences make greater progress. But a child's life is his own, and I have no right to take away his interests; I wish him his heart's desire.