Gratitude and Apology — Written at the End of 2020

On the last day of 2020, I gave away various medicines from my cabinet to several patients as needed. I thank those patients' families who left medicines their own relatives no longer needed with me for me to give away as fate would have it; most of the medicines I gave away came from you. You quietly did good deeds behind the scenes, yet the recipients thanked me instead of being able to thank you directly, which makes me feel as though I have stolen your virtue.

This year has been very difficult; my income dropped by about two-thirds. Even so, I know patients are even more strapped, so this year I expanded the scope of reduced and waived fees and did my best to care for some impoverished patients, but unfortunately I could not help everyone.

I am deeply ashamed; my abilities are limited, and I could not solve every patient's problems to everyone's satisfaction, falling short of your trust in me. Only by continuing to study hard in the future and improving my level can I be worthy of your trust and support.

On the last day of the year, I sincerely apologize to everyone for my shortcomings over the past year, and earnestly beg your forgiveness. Because of long hours at the desk plus the impact of cold weather, my cervical spine has been very uncomfortable recently, so I have reduced my time on the computer and phone and plan to rest for a few days to recover. If replies to consultations are not timely these days, please bear with me.

This year, because of epidemic prevention and to protect patients as much as possible from the risk of infection from me, I have met with relatives and friends only once all year. When relatives and friends asked to visit, I basically declined politely; I earnestly ask for your understanding of my constraints. In 2021, I will continue to maintain social distance and avoid meeting with everyone.

I also want to thank all the readers who tipped me over the past year; your generous tips have been enough to cover my book-buying expenses, and you have created the conditions for me to continue learning. Many of you are total strangers to me, yet are so generous; I sincerely thank you!

This year I also want to thank the friends who have financially supported my relief efforts in my hometown. When my old classmate saw my name on the hometown charity list and praised me for my generosity, I blushed, because behind me is the support of many friends; I was not donating on my own.

I also want to thank several old classmates and old friends who have long supported me in helping impoverished patients; in this year's circumstances, they still persisted in donating a sum of money every month to help others. This spirit is so rare that it cannot but move me.

I also want to say sorry to everyone who felt displeased this year because of my words or actions. Forgive me for not having reached a state of perfection; in daily work, oversights are unavoidable. Sometimes I am swayed by momentary personal emotions and do things or inadvertently say things that displease everyone. I confess to you and beg your forgiveness.

In addition, I express understanding toward everyone who intentionally or unintentionally hurt me this year. I am in no position to forgive anyone (because I myself have my own faults), but I truly bear no grudge against anyone, so I hope you need not feel uneasy. Perhaps some unpleasant things happened simply because we are not yet familiar or our personalities do not mesh. I wish you find friends and doctors better suited to you than I.

As for the several people with violent tendencies whom I turned away, I do not intend to presume upon your forgiveness. I rather hope you can also reflect on your own behavior and make corrections in future life. Every year, for safety reasons, I turn away several people with violent tendencies; some may feel they were rejected because of differing positions, but that is not the case. Deep down I do not discriminate against any patient, but toward some patients who are quick to threaten my own personal safety and that of other medical staff, I keep my distance. When forced to interact with them, I carry a weapon on my person. I do not want to live as someone too pedantic to know how to protect himself.

As in every past year, at a time like this I deeply confess and reflect, seeking my own shortcomings and hoping to reform in the future. I cannot reach the state of ultimate goodness, but I will try my best to improve myself so that my life is not spent in vain.

I had intended to write this article yesterday, but my neck pain was unbearable then and I had to give up. Thank you all! Wishing you a Happy New Year and may everything go your way!