Happiness Is Born Within Our Own Hearts

I ask almost nothing of material life. I have never quite understood those in this world who need material possessions to gain dignity and security, just as they do not understand me. We cannot live in this world without a material basis, but apart from basic living expenses and costs when family members fall ill, all other spending seems superfluous to me.

However, since I have family in this world, I inevitably have to consider for them and earn economic returns through work to meet their needs. Were it not for that, I think I could live a very frugal life without needing much income at all.

I have always felt happy. A life of plain fare is enough to satisfy me, and I have neither worry nor fear about the future.

From birth, my parents taught me the value that all people are equal, and this is one of the roots of my lifelong happiness. Although I now know that genetically people are hardly equal, I still firmly believe that people are completely equal in personal rights and dignity: emperors, generals, and ministers are no different from peddlers and porters.

This deeply rooted sense of equality has let me live at ease all my life, neither looking up to anyone nor down on anyone. In my dealings with others I am harmonious, calm, and comfortable; this is the "neither humble nor arrogant" bearing our ancients pursued. In a hierarchical society it is hard to live without being either servile or overbearing. But in a society where egalitarian ideas are widespread, most people can live with such dignity.

The more deeply rooted our sense of equality, the less easily we become objects of others' enslavement, nor will we enslave others; instead, we become spiritually free. Only when we have an inalienable spiritual freedom can we have a complete self—and a complete self is the necessary foundation of a sound personality.

A sense of equality not only cultivates our self-confidence but also makes us modest and sincere. If a person cannot view himself and others as equals, he easily becomes psychologically imbalanced, overly inferior or overly arrogant, or both. When external pressure is too great and lasts too long, it can trigger psychological and mental illness.

My parents also gave me ample affirmation and appropriately measured care, which made me an emotionally stable person and laid the foundation for my lifelong mindset. Children aged 2 to 4 need their caregivers to respond appropriately to their emotional reactions, and need to be affirmed and loved.

If parents provide good care at this stage—neither spoiling nor neglecting—then that person will grow into someone with a strong sense of security and a stable disposition. They are rarely troubled by anxiety, depression, fear, withdrawal, and other negative emotions. Children who do not receive good upbringing easily form anxious or avoidant personalities, struggle with interpersonal relationships as adults, and lack a sense of security.

So we should advocate that parents learn scientific ways of raising children, and encourage young parents to learn how to love their children, to fully accompany them, and to interact with them actively. Children neglected or spoiled at this stage easily develop psychological problems as adults.

From age seven onward, we should continually create conditions for children to learn independence. Children who develop independent thinking, independent decision-making, and independent labor from an early age have strong ability to adapt to society as adults and a much stronger sense of control over their own lives. When a person loses a sense of control over his own life, he is easily seized by emptiness, panic, and other negative emotions. Only when we become independent and self-reliant can we have a true sense of control over life.

Unhealthy families often display various maladaptive attachment patterns, and children have very little independence. Parents deprive young children of the right to think and decide independently; spoiling parents also deprive them of the right to labor independently. Children raised in such families often lack independence as adults. The later a child becomes independent, the poorer his adaptability and the less happiness he feels as an adult.

We should also teach children tolerance from an early age. We live in a very imperfect real world; if our children do not learn tolerance within the family, it will be hard for them to become tolerant people. If a person cannot be tolerant, in this world of sharp contradictions he will easily be wounded by the conflicts that constantly surround him.

Tolerance is like an antidote in human relationships; any relationship in conflict can be repaired on the basis of tolerance. As social animals, most of our unhappiness comes from relationships, and only a deeply rooted spirit of tolerance can dissolve it.

A person nourished by love, upholding the principle of equality, growing up independently, and forgiving others will develop a healthy personality. A healthy personality is like a cornerstone; with it as a foundation, happiness comes easily.

Human happiness is born within one's own heart; other people or external material conditions have only a negligible influence on our happiness. Given a complete self, friends and a partner are icing on the cake. It is better to have them, but not devastating if not. A person born happy will feel fulfilled even living alone.