Heartbreak at the Foot of Miaofeng Mountain

West of Haidian is Shijingshan, and west of Shijingshan is Mentougou. Mentougou is a large swathe of mountainous country in western Beijing; there the mountain ridges rise and fall, and between the mountains there are many rivers, with mountains, rivers and streams crisscrossing one another. On windless, rainless days, the scenery of Mentougou is lovely; living or wandering in the Mentougou mountains puts one in a cheerful mood. I like Mentougou; riding a bicycle from Zizhuqiao in Haidian to the foot of Miaofeng Mountain in Mentougou takes only a little over two hours. The scenery along this cycling route is beautiful the whole way-especially when riding along the broad banks of the Yongding River, gazing at the green hills and woods on both sides, one feels all the more carefree and joyful.

Miaofeng Mountain is a great mountain located in Mentougou District; the town where Miaofeng Mountain stands is called Miaofengshan Town. Continuing west along the mountain road from Miaofengshan Town, one can reach Wangping Town, Zhaitang Town and Qingshui Town; these towns all lie in the valleys of Mentougou. In the past there were many coal mines in Mentougou; the lignite produced in Mentougou was of good quality, and many people made a living mining coal there. Now, to protect the ecological environment, coal mining is no longer allowed, and the deep mountains of Mentougou have gradually been turned into tourist attractions. However, not many people come to visit Mentougou; every time I go cycling there, the road is not crowded.

There are several villages in Miaofengshan Town that I often visit-Dingjiatan Village, Danli Village, Xiaweidian Village and Shuiyuzui Village. Near Xiaweidian Village there is also a residential community called Dongfang Xiaoqu (Eastern Neighborhood). Those villages consist of single-story houses built by the villagers themselves, but Dongfang Xiaoqu is made up of old-style apartment buildings. Dongfang Xiaoqu has no piped gas; residents still have to carry gas canisters to a gas station to fill them. The first time I went to Dongfang Xiaoqu, looking at the mountain land nearby planted full of vegetables and corn, and listening to the roosters crow and dogs bark on the hill behind the community, I was instantly conquered.

This was exactly the kind of hermitage I had always wanted: not far from downtown Beijing, yet still in a mountain village. Moreover, the water quality in Mentougou is very good; the mountain streams are crystal clear to the bottom, and the environmental protection is even better than that of my old hometown when I was a child. For a while, I often rode my bicycle to wander around Mentougou; walking on the field paths there, it felt just like returning to my old home. There, my soul was greatly soothed.

I once thought about renting a farmhouse in Dingjiatan or Danli Village to live there, and even went there several times to look. The farmhouses there are not expensive; the annual rent is ten or twenty thousand RMB, with three or five rooms and a small yard where we could grow some flowers, green plants or vegetables. I once looked forward to living in the mountains there after I turned fifty. I imagined living in these mountains with the person I love, breathing the fresh air, eating the vegetables I grew, drawing pure spring water to drink, and gazing up at a sky full of stars at night; this is the most beautiful life I can imagine.

In this mountainous region of Mentougou, the deeper one goes in, the better the scenery. I have been to Xidamo Village in Qingshui Town, which is said to be the filming location of the movie Cell Phone. In Xidamo Village, mountain after mountain is linked; standing on the top of the hill behind the village and looking around, everything within sight is rolling, undulating mountains with no end in sight. In the village there is a boss who ran coal mines in his early years; he spent a great deal of money building rural homestays in his village. When I went there, they were running a promotion, and the homestay accommodation was very cheap.

His homestay was built halfway up the mountain; at the foot of the hill are the single-story houses built by the villagers of Xidamo, and around the village there is also some mountain land for growing vegetables. On the hill behind the village there are many mountain peach trees; when I was there, I casually picked a peach, took a bite. The peaches here do not look pretty, but they are juicy and sweet. A rural child living like this truly feels as if he has returned to his own childhood. Living in these mountains with one's beloved, leaning against the hill; at night, pushing open the window, one sees the bright moon hanging in the sky and a sky full of stars, with the chirping of insects all around and moonlight like polished silver. A match of immortals in an earthly paradise-it can hardly be more than this.

I know that it is now hard for me to truly return to the countryside; occasionally going to Mentougou to live this kind of life can almost completely cure my homesickness. But this year's torrential rains have made this earthly paradise no longer beautiful. The roaring mountain flood submerged villages such as Dingjiatan whole, leaving only the top of an ornamental archway at the village entrance protruding above the water.

Mudslides came howling through; Qingshui Town, Zhaitang Town, Wangping Town and Miaofengshan Town all became disaster areas. The villagers' houses were washed away, and cars were swept by the mountain flood crashing left and right downstream. The beautiful scenery of the past is no more; the fleeing old and young were covered in mud and terror, and several villagers have already died or gone missing. The once picture-perfect landscape, once it changed its face, became a nightmare that claimed human lives-just as sweet love, once a drastic change occurs, becomes a sharp weapon that can snatch away one's soul.

My feelings for this land are deep and sincere; it was the ideal place for me to be buried. But Typhoon Doksuri broke my heart-it showed me a world different from the one of old, it shattered my dreams, and it destroyed my finest hopes for the future. This feeling is just like that of a jilted lover falling straight from the peak of happiness to the bottom of life.

After the typhoon, this place may once again flourish, but the shadow left by the fierce mountain flood in people's hearts will never easily be wiped away; an environment unfit for human dwelling makes people recoil in fear. In the future, I may no longer consider living as a hermit in this mountain ravine; after all, I do not hope that, when the next mountain flood strikes, I will have to crawl my way out of this muddy gully to survive.

Many things that seem beautiful all have a side that is fatal; and it is not only mountains, rivers and streams that are so. Power, money, beauty, fame, and even love, which countless literary masters have celebrated-when we possess them, we indulge in them and are surrounded by happiness. Once we lose them, we immediately experience the force with which they turn back on us. Living in this world, it is unavoidable to come into contact with these things; perhaps only by controlling our desires and not letting them swell without limit can we live in peace.

Now that I am past middle age, although I still have my own pursuits, the bubbles floating on the surface of my ideals are being punctured one by one. Stumbling along to today, my illusions about a beautiful life and a bright future have been broken again and again. Nowadays, I only hope to live out the rest of my years ordinarily and plainly, continuing to roam in the inner world that remains and does not depend on the outside.

Perhaps, as everyone wades into the deep waters of life, they inevitably become a solitary traveler; there will be no beautiful earthly paradise, and no fellow traveler whose heart is completely attuned to one's own. Because every life is unique, and many feelings are "not worth sharing with outsiders." Only by giving up our illusions about the beautiful can we live life relatively well; this paradox, I now have no choice but to believe.