How Am I to Exist?

How am I to exist?

It is a question every heart must face often.

Life is never static. Every change puts us at a new crossroads and forces us to ask: How am I to exist?

There is no fixed, standard answer. At every stage, each person's answer differs.

People are fickle: today they feel they should exist one way, tomorrow another. Even in a single moment, several voices may call us to exist in utterly different, even opposite, ways.

So the Buddha said: "Do not trust your thoughts; your thoughts are not trustworthy. Only when you become an arhat may you trust your thoughts."

In the busyness of work and life, I occasionally pause to think about this question.

I know it is vital; its answer determines how I deal with myself and the world. If I cannot find an answer that puts my heart at rest, I will fumble in the work and life ahead.

Life is full of setbacks and temptations that constantly revise our attitude; so the mind is in flux.

I deeply doubt fixed worldviews and philosophies of life. If someone's worldview never wavers, I think such a person is either too stubborn or dishonest.

In my own experience, my worldview has kept changing; at my present age, I no longer even grant that worldviews and life-philosophings are necessary.

We simply cannot get everything right. Wrong judgments can occur at any age, and each wrong judgment leads us, in dealing with the world, to make mistakes.

It is precisely these errors that constantly correct our assumptions, bringing our understanding of the world ever closer to reality.

Confucius said at forty he was free of perplexity; probably because by forty one has made enough mistakes to approach the truth of the world.

Speaking of the truth of the world, it is a question simple in appearance, complex in reality.

The philosopher Hume said the truth may not exist at all.

Many think they have seen through the world's truth, but as in the parable of the blind men touching an elephant, what we see through may not be truth at all, only the part before our eyes; much remains unknown to us.

The limits of human wisdom ensure our cognition is flawed, so we must constantly deny ourselves and reconsider how to exist.

I have tried many ways of being in the world, and all had problems. In the end, the most suitable attitude I can choose is only kindness and honesty.

But, as everyone often feels, kindness and honesty themselves often make us stumble.

So alongside kindness and honesty, a certain wisdom is necessary.

Without enough wisdom, kindness and honesty will drag us into the abyss of life and overwhelm us.

Everyone's ideal country differs, but on the whole most of us hope for a peaceful human community and a happy, joyful self to coexist.

Across human history, a peaceful human community is very hard to achieve. Our world has never lacked war and strife.

A happy, joyful self is also hard to achieve, because we do not live in a vacuum; the world we live in always affects our body and mind.

But if one masters a certain skill of being in the world, one can attain a fairly high degree of happiness.

For me, at present, I sum up that skill in sixteen characters: "Do not lose the original heart; walk the straight way. Abandon anger, leave desire; keep the unpolished, know when to withdraw."

I use these sixteen characters to guide choosing friends, acting, and conducting myself.

I have no wish to compete. Though people keep challenging me because of my writing, I have not taken up the fight for years.

Keeping to the unpolished and silent not only saves precious time but keeps the spirit relatively at peace and simple.

Advancement is no longer my goal; I would rather withdraw to my own small plot.

Craving a wealthy material life is not my pursuit either. My limited experience tells me that, at least for me, as long as I am constantly stimulated by temptation, I swell without stop, ending in a restless, foolish life and losing peace of body and mind.

Desire is something I cannot master, so leaving desire is the best choice.

Anger is something I cannot bear, so abandoning anger is the best choice.

I have no wish to be anyone's enemy, so I am as kind as possible to others; if they take me as an enemy, I simply step back three leagues. Of the people and things I must face, I try to be reasonable and not make things too hard for others.

Pretending also wears me out. Rather than paint and powder, why not wash off the makeup? Honesty is the easiest way to live.

I do not believe any human being (myself included) has the wisdom to fathom every truth of this vast universe; so I never worship authority and expect no absolute correctness. The more I read, the more convinced I am.

I think this attitude toward the world is enough.

As for what remains, in the world that is entirely my own, I can relax and exist in any posture I like: lazy or diligent, absurd or proper. Who can control me? Whom can I affect?