Knowing Ourselves Helps Us Get Along Better with the World
Through my work, I have come into contact with a great many people from all walks of life. Some of them are troubled by psychological distress because they cannot get along well with the outside world. To them, their surroundings are always like a thorn-filled jungle that pricks them from time to time. At the same time, they easily come into conflict with the people around them, so their interpersonal relationships are constantly under strain.
To give a typical example, on Zhihu a single mother in her fifties recounted the hardships of her life. She had cut off contact with her birth family for more than twenty years and was constantly embroiled in disputes with her in-laws; after marrying and having a child, she divorced because of endless conflicts with her husband. She also got along with her son only with great difficulty, and was dismissed from more than twenty workplaces in succession. She complained that she had been born under an unlucky star and that everyone she had met in her life was worthless.
As onlookers, most people can probably tell that there is something wrong with this woman's personality. But she herself believes she has no problem at all; she argued fiercely with everyone in the comments of her post who suggested she might have a problem, refuting their judgments and insisting that they were being unfair.
I have had no direct contact with this woman, so it is hard for me to assess whether her mental state is healthy or whether there is something wrong with her personality. But among the patients I have treated and among my own relatives and friends, there are many whose situation closely resembles hers. From my knowledge of these people around me who are frequently in conflict with their surroundings, they do have some emotional problems. Yet most of them are unaware of this, stubbornly convinced that everyone else is a total mess, and believing that this is the root of the problem.
Wei Zheng of the Tang Dynasty once said to Li Shimin: “To know oneself is already difficult; to know others is truly no easier.” “Knowing oneself” and “knowing others” are perhaps among the hardest things in the world. It is precisely for this reason that the Dao De Jing says, “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.” It is a fine thing for a person to have self-knowledge, but with the development of science and technology, in modern times self-knowledge may be achieved with the help of certain scientific psychological testing tools.
If a person lives happily, is confident, and gets along well with those around them, there is no need to use these psychological testing tools to understand the self. But if a person lives unhappily and has strained relationships with those around them, it is very necessary to gain further self-understanding, to see whether the problem lies within themselves or in the outside world.
There are many such psychological testing tools; the one I personally recommend is the Big Five personality test. Big Five theory divides human personality traits into five basic dimensions: neuroticism, extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness.
Neuroticism reflects a person's emotion-regulation process and assesses the intensity with which they experience emotional reactions such as anxiety, worry, and sensitivity. Extraversion (also called extroversion) assesses how much a person enjoys the company of others and their preference for the frequency of interpersonal interaction—that is, their need for social contact. Openness assesses whether a person is conservative and whether they have curiosity about and a desire to explore new things. Agreeableness assesses a person's attitude toward others; in colloquial terms, it reflects their interpersonal warmth. Conscientiousness reflects a person's degree of self-control, assessing their orderliness, precision, and sense of responsibility in behavior.
The Big Five is the foundation of various psychological models; most other tests are basically derived from it as an outline and then further refined. Once a person understands their own Big Five profile, they can essentially grasp the root causes of the various pleasant or unpleasant things that happen as they interact with the outside world.
I have taken the Big Five test myself. My scores were as follows: neuroticism 1.7, extraversion (extroversion) 4.7, openness 5.6, agreeableness 7.4, and conscientiousness 7.6.
Based on the above scores, my final test results showed that my personality has the following traits: calm and composed, not easily panic-stricken, not very emotional, and fairly serene. My ability to regulate emotions is very good; I can not only manage my own emotions and express my feelings clearly and at the right time, but also take into account the emotions of those around me, and can quickly handle even very complex emotions. In interpersonal dealings, I can adapt appropriately to various settings and environments. I have wide-ranging interests, an open mind, and a willingness to embrace new things; I am not sloppy when it comes to matters of principle, and I have relatively strict standards and morals. I am easy to trust, careful, and cautious, and well suited to research-type work.
These test results match my own personality very well; they fully reflect my strengths and weaknesses. They have given me some guidance, letting me know that I am not a social butterfly and am not suited to work that requires too much socializing. The medical research work I do now is well suited to a person with my personality.
A person's character traits come mainly from innate factors. Many articles nowadays argue that childhood education is enormously important to the formation of character, but I am skeptical of this. My older brother and I are less than three years apart; we grew up in the same family, and our parents raised us in the same way, yet our personalities differ greatly. My brother takes after my father, while I am almost the spitting image of my mother.
I have looked deeply into the family backgrounds and genetic heritage of many people, and I lean toward the view that the underlying tone of a person's character comes first from heredity: the genes we inherit lay the foundation of our personality, while the acquired environment can only exert a limited influence on that foundation. Every personality has its strengths and its weaknesses. Once we understand our own character traits, we will not be so bewildered on many matters. At the same time, this can also teach us to play to our strengths and avoid our weaknesses, improving our relationship with the outside world.
People cannot live apart from society, and interaction between the individual and society is unavoidable. Using scientific methods to understand ourselves and to improve the efficiency of our interaction with society is a wise approach.