May the Rest of My Days Be Both Busy and Unhurried

After finishing lunch today, I turned in from the south gate of the National Library into Zizhuyuan (Purple Bamboo Park) for my usual after-meal stroll. The weather was beautiful today; the sky was a deep, boundless blue. The river in Zizhuyuan was clear, with wild ducks playing on the surface. The withered branches of this season, though lacking the decoration of green leaves, were arranged in pleasing disarray, possessing a charm all their own.

In that moment I felt a sense of "empathy" with heaven and earth, entering a state of deep relaxation. The idle clouds in the sky, the wild ducks on the water, the breeze gently brushing the bamboo groves — all appeared before me in a natural, unhurried state. I, too, became one of them: no pressure, no anxiety, no goals that urgently needed to be achieved, only a heart that follows nature, and the lighthearted feeling of immersing myself day after day in the research I love.

Last night my wife said to me: how about we let the management tend our little vegetable garden on our behalf this year, and we just go once or twice a week to pick some vegetables? You're so busy now, you probably don't have the energy to look after the vegetable garden! I thought about it but decided not to take her advice. If I scheduled my work and study so tightly that I had no time to grow vegetables, then what I should adjust is not the vegetable-growing plan, but my own state of mind and pace of life.

I often urge my patients and friends to adjust their state of mind and pace of life, improve their quality of life, and use their hobbies to forget the sorrows brought by illness and life. If I myself did the opposite, I would be someone whose words and deeds are disconnected.

I have no hope of retiring in this life, and I myself don't like making retirement plans or living the retired life. So I want to place every present moment of mine in a state of lightness — not pursuing excessive excitement, nor living in dull monotony. Any life plan or phased goal of mine must first ensure that this principle is not violated.

Because my past life experience tells me that only in a relaxed and joyful mood can a person persist in doing something for a long time. Being in a suppressed state for a long time will inevitably produce an unstable mindset, and the inner self may collapse at any moment. Only when life is rich and colorful, with many small joys, can a person be in a relaxed and happy mood most of the time.

More than twenty years ago, when I first came to Beijing, I rented a small single-room cottage of less than ten square meters in the Shangdi area and rode my bicycle to the National Library every day to read. In my little room I made myself a small bookshelf out of bricks and planks, picked up a potted little pine tree at the early market and placed it by the door, and ate green-vegetable noodles every day to fill my stomach. Back then my mood was also very pleasant. Although my living circumstances kept changing afterward, that relaxed and joyful state of mind still remained the mainstream.

In the second half of my life I don't want a single day of idleness; every day I will spend a lot of time studying and working, and I will never waste my time. But my heart every single day must be in an unhurried state; I will not stuff my heart with sorrow, impatience, fear, anxiety and other bad emotions. I want it to be like a clear, bright sky, fully open and crystal clear to the bottom.

In this state I will study and work unhurriedly, and await death. No matter what the rest of my life brings, I will greet every change in my life with the composure of a stroll in a quiet courtyard.

One day my body will age, my brain will decline, and perhaps I will have to coexist with all kinds of diseases, but even then I don't think I will let my heart fall into chaos. Without joy, life is worth nothing.

Zen Buddhism has the tradition of "a day without work is a day without food," and I am deeply influenced by this idea. I will keep up moderate labor every day so that my whole life is not empty, and at the same time I will, with the mindset that "every day is a good day and every moment is a good moment," make every present moment of mine relaxed and at ease.