Not Aspiring to the Grand Hall, Enjoying the Joys of Farming and Reading
Yesterday afternoon, after finishing work, I went to the small rented vegetable plot to fertilize the ground. The garden management gives us chicken manure twice a year, once in spring and once in autumn, each time at the standard of one 100-jin bag per 10 square meters. I have about 40 square meters of vegetable plot, so I collected four bags of chicken manure.It had been a long time since I did this kind of physical labor; carrying a 100-jin bag of chicken manure alone onto a wheelbarrow was quite strenuous. I wheeled the bag after bag of chicken manure over to my small plot; after moving four bags, I was soaked in sweat. After moving them, I rested a bit, then spread all four bags of chicken manure over my small plot, planning to sun it first, and in a few days, after tilling the soil, plant this year vegetables.I am forty-four this year and love this kind of farming-and-reading life. Reading, writing and working every day is too dull; renting a vegetable plot and now and then taking an hour or more to go do some work there and come back is a good combination of mental and physical work, and lifts the mood considerably.Last weekend I went to my son school for his coming-of-age ceremony. My son has become a graceful, handsome young man, and his classmates courteously received us uncles and aunts. At that moment I realized that the stage of this world is about to belong to them.I have not watched the news for over a month, and am almost in a state of non-consumption. Apart from basic food and drink, I spend no more money. I dress as plainly as ever: a pair of cloth shoes, a cheap tracksuit, comfort first, elegance optional. I spend much more time reading every day than before; progress in medicine depends on reading more literature and accumulating more clinical experience. I love medicine; my greatest regret is that I often cannot relieve patients suffering, and only continuous study can make up for these regrets in my heart.If it were not for a small accident involving a relative from my hometown in Beijing, my life would be like water in an ancient well, so calm that not a single ripple rises. Living this kind of low-consumption, low-desire life for long, one becomes unwilling to chase any fame, wealth or rank.I used to care somewhat about how others saw me, always wanting to escape the awkward identity of being a folk TCM doctor; I also cared somewhat about posthumous fame, wanting to leave behind a few medical works worthy of transmission. Now I have let go of these too; let everything follow its course. What is meant to be will come; what is not meant to be, do not force. When patients recognize me, I take them as they come; when they do not, neither side should force anything. If articles and works have value, they will spread of their own accord; if they have no value, what good is leaving them?Not aspiring to the grand hall means not being so tired; one can lightly and happily enjoy the present joys of farming and reading. Fifteen years ago, if some dignitary had sought me for treatment, I might have felt honored. Now it is completely different; now I would rather spend my whole life serving only ordinary people like myself, because that makes me live more lightly and freely.More than half of human suffering is caused by disease; easing suffering for others brings joy to oneself. If in the process there is no pressure, that is even better. A person energy and strength are limited, the people one can serve are limited, and what one needs for food and clothing is even more limited. Seek more and suffer; be content and rejoice.The gardenia on the balcony has put out many buds; the moth orchid and kalanchoe in the home are in full bloom; a rotting cabbage has grown beautiful flower buds and become a rare little bonsai; all of this lifts the mood. Because I study medicine, I know very well the triggers of various diseases and avoid them in life as far as possible, and I can handle the common diseases of the whole family; so all year round, the home is basically untroubled. I am content with this life.Money for buying books is sufficient; besides, I do not buy many books now. In previous years I bought over a dozen cabinets of medical books, and now I can slowly digest them. The National Library is also very close to my home, and I can go there any time to spend time; on WeChat Read there are also more free books than I can read. In this era there is no threshold to buying books; the great majority of people do not lack books; what they lack is the time to read and the temperament to endure solitude.I often sit alone before the bookcase in silent conversation with the Buddha and Zhuangzi, rereating the Sishierzhang Jing (Forty-two Sections Sutra) and the Zhuangzi. The Buddha was called by the Chinese ancients the King of Emptiness; Zhuangzi plays in the world, free and open. Conversing with them across time and space is also quite pleasant.Living in the world, be a bit more silent, stay a bit further from worldly society, have few desires and seek little, stir up little trouble, create no disturbance; when helping others, delight oneself; seek only bodily and mental ease, and that is enough to comfort a lifetime.