Reflections at Thirty-Six
At my current age, I have only one conviction: to carry forward what has come before and lead this society forward. Whether in economics, the humanities, education, or religion, we middle-aged and young people in our prime must shoulder moral responsibility with strong shoulders and not shrink from our duty, so that we may carry on the past and open up the future, and let human culture renew itself daily. Methods can be explored, but resolve must be firm. If we retreat, society will have no possibility of renewal or reform.
Without fervor one cannot struggle; without tranquility one cannot think; without courage one cannot accomplish things; without letting things take their course one cannot be at peace; without solitude one cannot be free; without perseverance one cannot go far; without repentance one cannot renew oneself; without compassion one cannot forgive; without gentleness one cannot be close to the people; without humility and yielding one cannot end resentment; without lofty ambition one cannot realize ideals; without broad learning one cannot stand out; without determined reform one cannot wash away filth; without leading by example one cannot convince others; without depth and sophistication one can bear great responsibility. Refine oneself to serve society; pursue one’s dream to change the world.
At nineteen I dropped out of university and came to Beijing to study and make a living. After years of struggle, I suffered the devastating loss of my mother and went through a series of life tragedies, and began a journey of repentance and reflection.
At thirty-six, I have gradually formed a complete system of thought and hope to publish a series of works to renew the humanistic environment of Chinese society. This is extremely difficult, but I will try and give it my best.
Changing China was my dream since boyhood, and unexpectedly it has remained to this day, undiminished. My father named me from the line “one’s ambition should be lofty,” and it has deeply influenced me. For more than thirty years I have rarely risen later than five in the morning, rising with the rooster, never letting the book leave my hand, writing ceaselessly—an uncommon perseverance. Heaven bestows talent for a purpose; what is a person without ideals but a salted fish?
After eight years of depression, I have finally awakened. After three years of mourning my mother in heart, I have finally transformed grief into strength. My teacher Min Qixin did not believe I would sink into silence; he predicted I would be a late bloomer, that after thirty-five I would surely reemerge, with at least ten to fifteen golden years ahead. Unexpectedly, today it has come to pass exactly as he said. I know that the youth in me has fully revived; I will send out a resonant voice, using thought that points directly to the human heart and sees one’s own nature, and fearless courage, to wash away filth and change the world.
The known world is small; the unknown world is vast. Methods already used are finite; methods not yet used are infinite. Maintaining a love for new things and tirelessly learning broader knowledge helps eliminate arrogance, prejudice, and ignorance, and helps increase one’s own wisdom and ability, broaden one’s horizons, and open one’s heart. This is what is called the sage who transforms the great.
The green hills and clear waters are inherently at ease; the moon bright, the stars few, the mind pure.
Realize one bit and it is one bit; true words and honest speech are easy to walk.
Talk of mysteries and strangeness often breeds doubt; blame oneself, not others.
Observe one’s own mind and dispel stray thoughts; suddenly open, suchness arises.
All things become the Dharma; all marks are empty.
There is no you, no I, no other; a small bridge, flowing water, and the setting sun.
How to handle life’s surprises: do all you can, then wait patiently, and be ready to accept every outcome.
How to handle conflict between family members and others: forgiveness comes first. If the family member cannot forgive and resentment will accumulate into illness, then act by ordinary reason—do not bully others, nor forgive their fault; repay injury with uprightness, using fairness as the measure. But later, gradually persuade the family member to forgive others, yield a few more steps, and be kind to people.
Living in secular society, on matters of principle do not yield; on all else, be broad-minded and accept imperfection. But once you yield on matters of principle, the future trouble is endless. Never waver from principle for any reason, and you can be secure for life.
The intellectual realm is hardest to elevate all at once; it requires a long-term habit of reflection, getting as close as possible to wise teachers, absorbing their conduct, being transformed by their example, then going through worldly affairs and repeatedly verifying, gradually forming new understanding and letting go of past life outlooks and worldviews, so as to ascend. So-called sudden enlightenment must come to someone who has long thought, who is near the edge of intellectual elevation, and who by a sudden touch is suddenly opened, breaking through deluded attachment, one enlightenment leading to a hundred, integrating all, and fully awakening.
How best to influence another person? Treat them as they treat others. Repay the force-worshipper with force. Restrain the power-worshipper with power. Disgust the hypocrite with hypocrisy. They must deeply know the harm and look back at themselves, so as to thoroughly reform and cease doing evil. But we hold to the Buddhist principle of “subduing to the point of not killing”: though we could subdue someone to the point of death, we leave them a way out and a chance to renew. This is the adaptable principle of dealing with the world.
If others are unreasonable, it must be because their life has been unfortunate and their psychological shadow too large. The best policy is to sympathize, understand, not bicker, help moderately, and gradually transform them. The middle policy is to keep a respectful distance and avoid direct contact. The lower policy is to contend with them seriously, even tooth for tooth. The lowest policy is to cling and fight to mutual ruin.
Escaping the world does not help and smacks of shirking responsibility; escaping to seek liberation in youth will leave one’s family in difficulty. Children abandoned by parents, the elderly abandoned by children, walk with difficulty; the four siblings in Guizhou who took their own lives out of world-weariness did so precisely because their parents cast them aside like worn-out shoes—the most severe case, with lesser harms below it. Abandoning one’s kin while talking of great love is absurd. Are family members not people? This is the fundamental reason I accept the secular world, tolerate imperfection, and do not shave my head to become a monk.
After leaving home one still has to eat, defecate, and sleep. Talk of ideas can be empty; when it comes to life, everything must be practical. The life of a monk who depends on others’ favor, telling flattering words to beg alms, is worse than not leaving home at all but standing on one’s own and speaking freely. That Mahayana Buddhism verges on deception is not without cause. For Buddhism to develop, it must feed itself, cast off stale notions, and bravely strip away the various theories of gods and ghosts and the doctrines of karma and rebirth, returning to its essence of cultivating the mind—only that is the long-term way.
Why did the Buddha and Jesus found their religions on divine ways? From their thought, such sages cannot have truly believed in ghosts and gods, and their moral character does not look like that of people seeking wealth through such tales. I suspect their intention was to use ghost-and-god tales to overawe the stubborn, because the rule of law was hard to punish certain evildoers—this relates to the historical background.
Today, humanistic care has spread and the rule of law grows ever more complete. Buddhism should reconsider its position, keep pace with the times, correct its doctrines, remove harm and promote benefit; otherwise it will hardly escape marginalization and eventual extinction. If its good side—using the methods of hearing, thinking, and cultivating to transmit the study of precepts, concentration, and wisdom, so as to eliminate greed, anger, and delusion and promote peaceful coexistence and spiritual liberation—dies with it, that would be a pity. We should take what the Buddha took, not what he took as means; renew Buddhism and transmit Buddhist wisdom.
Time waits for no one. Run a business, develop thought—either strive to innovate and live, or cling to the old and wait to be eliminated. In this era, there are few middle options. Competition is fierce; the younger generation is full of drive, always breaking routines and overtaking the older; the only places where one can muddle along are probably government departments or state-owned enterprises.
What is comprehension (wuxing)? By my own understanding, it is a comprehensive way of thinking, including both forward and reverse thinking. The former discovers principles; the latter reflects on one’s own errors. Keeping this habit long-term accumulates wisdom, corrects mistaken understanding, and makes one ever more objective—objective toward the outside world and toward oneself—reaching a rational, balanced state.
My teacher hoped my works would provoke people to think at multiple levels about education, character, human feeling, human nature, and society; I will make it real. My teacher’s depth and breadth are beyond me, but in boldness I may slightly exceed him. I will transmit my teacher’s learning to the world, so that people know there was an extraordinary middle-school Chinese teacher in China named Li Lixin.
The ability to combine hardness and softness must be gained through long tempering—the so-called steel tempered a hundred times becomes supple around a finger. By nature I am straightforward, dare to take responsibility, fearless, yet insatiably eager to learn. In recent years I have endured hardships, prostrated myself before the Buddha, recited the sutras, filed away arrogance, and corrected my faults. After eight years of repentance and reflection, arrogance is gone, but moral backbone remains. Ten years to forge a sword; now it is time to draw it. With a literary style that sweeps away decay, wash away the long-accumulated filth, renew social mores, and save the hearts of the age. Push China toward a free, democratic, equal, tolerant, benevolent, and self-reflecting society; with the courage that says “who if not me?” bring my teacher’s learning out of the famous mountains to benefit the world and the people.
Strive for writing that moves the heart, thought that points directly to the heart, and narration that is truthful and credible; only so can the old be brought forth new.
Living in the secular world, I believe in peaceful idealism. Compromise with the world, yet strive to push the world forward. Use writing and action to renew society, but avoid creating chaos and harming myself and the innocent. Stand on my own so as not to depend on others’ favor, yet not make dishonest money. Trade for a living, but never forget to heal and save people, sympathize with the weak, and help the sick. This is the life-state I most want: an idealist living in reality, gradually entering middle age.
The difference between thought and spirit is that thought is truth expressed in words; spirit is putting that truth into practice and gradually sublimating it into an ideal, the pursuit that changes society and the world. Thus the great difference between spiritual leaders like Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, and Gandhi and mere thinkers is that they put thought into action and sublimated it into ideal.
Thought can make one weak; spirit absolutely makes one rise upward. Thought can become capital for boasting; spirit has already been internalized as a tool for self-perfection.
When a person reaches a certain age, it is beneficial to talk less of thought and more of spirit.