Some Words Written for My Son Coming-of-Age Ceremony
In the twinkling of an eye, my son coming-of-age ceremony has arrived. His mother urged me to complete the task the school assigned to parents, writing a few words for the child. I thought it over and over, not knowing how to begin.I myself feel as if I were still at his age, and have hardly noticed that I am already a middle-aged person. In the blink of an eye, my son has already come of age. I am not such a pure idealist; I have some ideals, but I am not like those extreme idealists for whom there is nothing but ideals.All my life I have lived like a high school student, spending every day reading, writing and working; when I meet injustice, I still love to slap the table and raise my arm in protest. At home I am also like a child; looking at me one would not take me for a father, and even my son laughs at my childishness. In all the years of his growing up, I have probably never once tutored him in homework.As a father I am neither particularly competent nor derelict. Because when he was small, every night before bed I would tell him various stories I made up myself. While telling these stories, I guided him to think logically. Day after day, for more than a thousand days, and now his logical thinking ability is very well developed.Now the child is grown, and the school is holding a coming-of-age ceremony. We need to give the child a few words; only now do I realize how quickly time passes. Although I bury myself in my study and often do not know the year when cold ends, my son has already grown up. As a father I should say a few words to him and give him some sense of ceremony.The following words are what I give to my child.Son, today is your coming-of-age ceremony. Father seems to have a thousand words, yet does not know how to begin. From when you were very small, Father insisted that you make your own decisions about all your own affairs and was never willing to interfere with your freedom. So as you grew up, your free will was almost never interfered with.When you were in kindergarten, in winter, the water in the small stream behind our housing compound froze over. You asked me: Dad, can I go play on the ice? I said you could go try it yourself; if the ice is too thin, going up is dangerous, but if you do not try, we will not know whether the ice can bear your weight. But you have to think this through yourself; if you fall in, do not cry or make a scene; you have to handle it yourself. You went up, and as it happened you fell through an ice hole. Then, keeping my promise, you got yourself up, came home and changed your clothes.Another time in Zizhuyuan (Purple Bamboo) Park, you saw bamboo poles and wanted to climb and play. This had some risk, and Father did not stop you; I only told you that if you got hurt later, you were not allowed to cry, and you had to bandage the wound yourself; Father could provide some paper for dressing the wound. As it happened you got hurt, and indeed you did not cry; you handled the bloody wound yourself. Father stood by watching, and for this I was even scolded by a grandmother nearby.Your mother and I have always treated you as an independent person, and now you have indeed grown into a very self-determined child: with your own hobbies and your own ideals, taking responsibility for everything you choose. I feel both gratified and proud that you can be so independent.Today what Father wants to tell you is that you are about to enter university and society as an adult, becoming a citizen who bears certain responsibilities to society. From now on you must as always stick to your own choices and take responsibility for them.Perhaps you will feel that there are still many places in this world that are not good enough, but Father hopes you remember: when you see places that are not beautiful, do not complain. If you hope the world is more beautiful, remember to use your own courage, wisdom and hands to transform it.Do not give up striving; do not expect other people to solve our problems for us; do not sit idle enjoying the fruits of others labor. There simply is no such thing as enjoying the fruits without effort; all the good life you want must be created by yourself. All the choices and decisions you make likewise require you to take responsibility for yourself.But Father does not want you to seek quick success. Because there are many places in society that are thin ice; step on them and you fall in. There are also many places with dangerous bamboo poles; climb them and you will cut yourself and bleed. Father is glad to see you have now become a cautious person; precisely because from childhood you were used to facing risk alone and taking responsibility for all consequences yourself, after many wrong attempts you have become a cautious person.The affairs of this vast world are far more complex than what you experienced as a child. However you want to transform this world, deep in my heart Father hopes you transform it on the premise of ensuring your own safety. So you must learn to assess risk: what are the risks of each step forward, think them through in advance, and learn to avoid fatal risks. But do not fail to act because you fear risk; be as courageous as you were as a child, but also use your head more. Courage and wisdom are both important; with courage alone and no wisdom, we easily fail.You have lofty ideals, and Father also hopes you can realize them, but do not treat ideals as everything and do not be kidnapped by them. Develop your hobbies in many directions, and live this life with some interest. Life comes only once and is very precious; do not waste it.Learn to move at a steady pace and achieve lasting results, balancing career and life, and do not make yourself utterly exhausted. We must have patience; a lifelong undertaking is done over a lifetime. When your grand-teacher gave Father eight characters back then: thick accumulation, slow release; great vessels, late completion. Father hopes to pass these eight characters on to you.Do not be happy or sad over temporary success or failure; a human life is long, and you have enough time to do the work you want to do. Do not worry about what you cannot finish; there will always be later people to continue. Keeping this mindset, you can live this life with great peace.The word peace (pinghe) may be premature for you now, because you are still young and irresistible. Father was once young too, and once full of drive, so I understand that an impetuous, vigorous youth does not easily enter a state of equanimity.But Father still hopes you remember these two characters and constantly remind yourself to strive for equanimity. Having lived to this age, my greatest realization is that in the end one must return to the inner world and to a state of peace. However splendid the outside world is, it is not as compelling as our own inner spiritual world.How do we achieve peace? My life experience tells me that a peaceful state of mind, like other abilities, also requires repeated training to achieve. Many people do not value training this ability, and at life-or-death moments or other important moments it is hard to calm down. Good psychological qualities are not innate; they are trained through ordinary, day-by-day accumulation.Father words are long-winded and hard to remember. Finally I distill a few key sentences into a passage to give you: Father hopes you remain as independent as ever, courageous and wise, and cautious in what you do. Strive for your ideals, but need not seek quick, immediate gain. Make life a bit more interesting and your state of mind a bit more peaceful. Learn to move at a steady pace and achieve lasting results; do not hope to complete your life goals all at once. Your grandfather back then hoped Father would aim high; Father hopes you will take the long view. The future is in your own hands; go strive for your future, my child.