Thank You for Your Smile

There is a woman at the front desk downstairs; I do not know since when, but each time we see each other we exchange a smile. We occasionally greet each other—a 'hello' accompanying the smile—but have never once had a real conversation.

I do not know her name, and she does not know mine. Yet through our mutual smiles we seem to share an unspoken understanding. Each time I see her smile, my mood lifts; I imagine hers does too.

We will probably go on like this: never drawing closer, never growing apart, always smiling when we meet. In the vast sea of people there are many who are both familiar and strange to us; a smile represents mutual respect and acceptance, and brings the other person spiritual pleasure.

Many people who read my articles seem to find me hard to approach, because I indeed do not love making friends. But in life and work I am quite affable, always trying to smile at everyone around me and never liking to glower at anyone. My favorite cultural figure is Hu Shih, because he could give everyone the smile of a friend.

But not everyone treats me the same way. In my career the unhappiness I have met most is being suspected, and this is what I can least accept. When patients or inquirers interrogate me like a police officer questioning a thief, or when their words plainly show distrust, I likewise feel a mutual repulsion in my heart.

To forgive and help everyone is beyond even a sage. Even the Buddha, fond of preaching how compassionate and tolerant he was, was implacably opposed to his cousin Devadatta, and sent disciples everywhere to slander and attack this relative and opponent.

Confucius was more straightforward, advocating 'repaying resentment with uprightness.' Even today, among nations and among people, 'repaying resentment with uprightness' is still the common way. I do not want to make enemies, but I do hope to be with people who can always meet me with a smile. Those who cannot treat me that way, I choose to keep away from.

I am willing to serve my patients with a smile, sympathizing with and helping them. But there is a premise: they must likewise be reasonable people, who treat others with kindness rather than always suspecting others with malice. Unfortunately, many are used to assuming the worst of people.

I think most people prefer being around those who lift their mood; only when there is no other choice do we stay with those who make us unhappy. I am someone with the freedom to choose, and I can choose to deal with those who put me at ease.

Moreover, for a doctor, well-meaning patients usually mean no medical disputes, while patients lacking trust and respect usually mean higher professional risk. So it is only natural for a doctor, following his intuition, to choose lower-risk clients.

My own intuition is that a pleasant doctor-patient rapport is the very root of a therapeutic bond; other talk is probably evasive nonsense. If the patient makes the doctor tense and miserable, or the doctor makes the patient angry and unhappy, there can be no true 'medical affinity.' Without mutual trust, the patient dares not entrust their life to the doctor, and the doctor dares not risk treating them.

I like to greet everyone with a sincere smile, and I like to see sincere smiles on others' faces. A sincere smile is the most basic etiquette between people; it warms the heart like sunshine. A good relationship between two strangers must begin with a sincere smile.

In relationship theory, a person has the motivation to continue a relationship only when, in being with another, they receive 'affirmation' and 'appreciation.' If what we get from a relationship is 'negation' and 'suspicion,' we will want to end it.

I have a deep feel for this theory, because the nature of my work requires me to build temporary or lasting relationships with a great many strangers. The doctor-patient relationship is itself a kind of interpersonal relationship, essentially no different from any other.

Every day I am being chosen by those who seek help, and at the same time I am choosing them. I am merely unsociable, not socially inept; those truly inept at socializing are not suited to be doctors, because a doctor must handle very complex interpersonal relationships at work.

Probably because of this nature of the work, most doctors get headaches from too much socializing. Honestly, maintaining any relationship costs a person time and energy; when it costs too much, one grows weary.

I do not mean to keep people at arm's length on purpose, but I have indeed turned away many who wanted to get close to me. Work already drains me completely; how could I have the energy to make friends all over the world?

Even so, I do not want to frown and bring a face of displeasure to anyone. So in life, I would rather smile at others, and would rather see others smile back.