Three Non-Thing Attitudes: No Desire, No Anger, No Fear

If we want to live freely, naturally, and without constraint or worry in this world, we must first temper our own hearts.

The outside world is never free of storms. Only when we have tempered our inner self to a state of strength that is indestructible and undisturbable can we remain still as water whether in the tempests of life or in its calm moments, unaffected by external circumstances. We should be at ease in both favorable and adverse conditions.

I personally believe there are three life attitudes that need to be cultivated.

The most important is no desire (wu yu).

No desire does mean doing nothing. It means whether one achieves or does not achieve, one has no expectations of fame, wealth, or position. One accepts any result calmly, having prepared psychologically for the worst outcome from the start, expecting neither a happy ending, a good reputation, nor substantial financial reward.

So what sustains a life without desire? Enjoyment. A life with neither enjoyment nor desire is one of depression and nihilism, which I personally reject.

If something is what you enjoy doing, and it harms no one, then bury yourself in it and take pleasure in it—that is all the reward we need. As for fame and fortune, there is no need to care. If it comes, it comes; if not, that is fine too. A person doing what they love can remain passionate regardless of how far they get.

So I have always followed my own inclinations and never listened to life advice from others, because only my own heart knows what I like. Interest is like drinking water—you yourself know whether it is cold or warm. How could outsiders possibly know? If a person does not know what they want themselves, expecting others to show the way is utterly useless. Interest is a surging power from deep within that can sustain us for a lifetime.

The driving force of interest is astonishing, far beyond what desire can provide. Throughout history, those who have mastered something to the utmost were driven less by desire than by personal interest and ideal. One eventually grows tired of one's desires, but interest may bring moments of weariness, never of revulsion.

Recently I read an educator's assessment of East Asian education that I felt was very apt. This educator believes that education across East Asia kills personal interest; because it is overly utilitarian, the lives of most East Asians are ruined by this educational system. Many East Asians grow up with no personal hobbies, working only to survive more comfortably, eventually falling into the pit of utilitarianism, grinding away at jobs they dislike, chasing fame and fortune and wasting a lifetime.

But I personally believe this is not caused by East Asian cultural factors. By human nature, everyone wants to do what they enjoy and does not expect reward. It is just that East Asia has been in a period of rapid development; as we can see from European and American literature, people in the West a century ago were no different from East Asians today.

When Bertrand Russell lectured in China, he greatly admired the Chinese leisurely attitude toward life and despised the restless pursuit of fame and wealth among Westerners of his day. Now this风气 has spread to East Asia. In another generation or two, I believe East Asians, including us Chinese, will undergo a great change in life attitude—no longer chasing fame and fortune as East Asians do today, burying a lifetime in foolish cravings, but immersing themselves in their own hobbies.

Confucius said: To know it is not as good as to love it; to love it is not as good as to take joy in it. When a person is fully absorbed in what interests them, they automatically forget all external strife, reaching the state Confucius described as forgetting the taste of meat for three months.

So now when I educate my son, I focus only on discovering and cultivating his interests, caring about nothing else. Those who have their own life interests are blessed. Because around us, most people have no life interest, or if they do, it is not the kind that makes them willing to throw themselves fully into it.

I personally believe that the best gift parents can give a child is to help them discover and cultivate interests that will keep them engaged for life. One or two interests to help them through the long journey of life; even if they achieve nothing, they have not wasted their time—at least they have been happy their whole life.

The second important attitude is no anger (wu chen).

No anger is a Buddhist concept, but Confucianism, Buddhism, Daoism, and even Western religions and philosophers all advocate it, just in different words. For Confucius, no anger was bu yun—he said: Is a gentleman not he who remains undisturbed when others do not recognize him? For Laozi, no anger was bu zheng—not contending, acting without contending, which was Laozi's life attitude. In the Western world, no anger is tolerance; Westerners advocate forgiving everyone, even one's enemies. All these are expressions of no anger.

We Chinese are extremely prone to anger, and I have felt this most deeply while writing online. No matter what I write, I attract overwhelming abuse. I have been writing online for nearly twenty years and have seen every variety of Chinese reader's invective. In the early years I cared somewhat and argued back. Now I am like an old monk in meditation, regarding all mockery and abuse as nothing. Sometimes when I see a particularly novel insult, I even smile.

This is a benefit of my Buddhist practice. Buddhism advocates constantly cultivating precept, concentration, and wisdom, and extinguishing greed, anger, and delusion. Many people cannot see through anger and cannot pass this gate. In my view, after spending a few years on major open Chinese forums—early on, Yihuatutu; later, Tianya and Mop; now, Toutiao and Yidian Zixun—this anger naturally dissipates. Being scolded too much leads to two outcomes: either you never dare write again, or you become like me—without anger.

This toughening has helped me gradually achieve no anger in daily life as well. In life, one can be annoyed at every moment—gossip and malicious slander from neighbors, colleagues, and friends are countless. If one is always getting angry, the person who suffers most is oneself.

The broader the influence one has in society, the more criticism and abuse one must endure. So if we want to do something we want in this society, we must first prepare an extremely thick skin capable of withstanding criticism from all sides. A person too thin-skinned to withstand criticism cannot accomplish what they set out to do.

Faced with criticism, the best response is what Buddhism advocates: in right and wrong, non-discussion is liberation. Do not explain, do not argue, do not get angry. Learn the indifferent attitude promoted in the dialogue between Hanshan and Shide. Hanshan asked Shide: 'In the world, there are people who slander me, oppress me, insult me, laugh at me, belittle me, despise me, hate me, or deceive me—how should I deal with them?' Shide replied: 'Simply bear them, yield to them, let them be, avoid them, tolerate them, respect them, ignore them, and in a few years, watch them.'

This attitude is far superior to the swaggering 'swallow broken teeth with blood' that Zeng Guofan advocated. Enduring and bottling up resentment is no good; from our TCM perspective, a tough guy holding in a bellyful of anger has an excess of the seven emotions and is bound to fall ill. Only by letting whatever abuse comes pass immediately, meeting it with a faint smile, can one avoid harming body and mind.

And the attitude of a gentleman takes revenge, though it be ten years later—eye for an eye—is even worse. I had a classmate in junior high who was precisely this kind of vengeful type; any slight he had to repay. By his twenties, he died in a gang fight. In my view, this saying should be changed to a fool takes revenge, though it be ten years later. To live for ten years in anger over a slight, torturing oneself—how foolish.

True no anger is not easy. In Jin Yong's *Other Tales of the Flying Fox*, the Poison-Hand Medicine King, Master Wu Chen (No Anger), changed his Dharma name from Yi Chen (One Anger) to Wei Chen (Slight Anger) to Wu Chen (No Anger). This progression reflects the real life experience of most people: at first there is inevitably anger; gradually, anger lessens; even when it arises, it is only a slight irritation; eventually, it vanishes.

Generally, one reaches the state of no anger only after turning forty. Perfect, absolute no anger requires having seen through the ways of the world while remaining compassionate and forgiving. It requires both a capacity for endurance and the wisdom to understand things.

In the *Sutra of Forty-two Sections*, a monk asked the Buddha: Who is most powerful? Who is clearest? The Buddha said: Forbearance under insult is powerful; because one harbors no malice, one is also peaceful and healthy. Those who forbear have no evil and are surely respected by others. When the mental defilements are extinguished and one is pure without stain, that is the greatest clarity. From before heaven and earth to the present; in all ten directions, nothing unseen, nothing unknown, nothing unheard—having attained all wisdom, this may be called clarity.

Here, the strength that comes from forbearance and the greatest clarity that comes from seeing through the world are linked. Only through rich experience, understanding that all beings still act out their various unbecoming rages because they remain in ignorance, can one truly forgive everyone.

In reality, those truly enviable are the inner no-anger people; those truly to be pitied are the people whose hearts are filled with prejudice, malice, and resentment. The former remain at peace; the latter are constantly in anger, which harms both body and mind. So when two people conflict, the forgiving party is the one who gains, and the resentful party is the one who loses.

The third important attitude is no fear (wu ju).

One of the three standards Confucius set for the gentleman is that the brave are without fear. In this world we will encounter all kinds of people, all kinds of difficulties, and all kinds of criticism. How to deal with all of that? Be fearless and press forward. Kafka said that every difficulty defeated him—that is a typical coward's mindset. A naturally brave person, facing a whole basket of difficulties, should remain calm and composed and keep walking.

No one's life goals come easily. Every great person in history built their accomplishments in a thorny path. Even if we pursue no great goal and only want to live comfortably, that is not easy either. To live, we must earn a living, and earning a living requires effort. If that living requires cooperation with others, unexpected accidents may arise in the process. How could this long life be smooth sailing?

Hit a problem, solve it; hit a difficulty, solve it; hit a villain, deal with him. The last thing one should do is hit misfortune and solve oneself. While there is still a breath of life, one should be self-reliant. Lower desire to the minimum, and there is no hurdle in this world that cannot be crossed. Raise courage to the maximum, and there is no wolf in this world that cannot be defeated.

I have lived most of my life in forgiveness. But when my family's dignity was seriously violated, I have on several occasions picked up a kitchen knife and resolved the matter directly. In first year of high school, as a student leader I offended some people and was beaten by a few thugs; I borrowed a kitchen knife from the school store and charged at them, and the arrogant thugs immediately backed down. Another time, a neighbor above threw glass bottles from the ninth floor, smashing our ceiling and nearly hitting my child, and kept throwing. My wife argued with him, but he was arrogant and abusive. When I came home and learned of this, I took a kitchen knife up to his door, and the arrogant neighbor collapsed and apologized. Another time, when the office I rented from a Beijing military unit was not yet at term, the unit's officer refused to return the deposit and ordered us out. I went to the office every day carrying a kitchen knife, declaring that anyone who forced their way in would be killed, and they backed down.

In my experience, when forbearance is truly impossible, a bit of plain courage may be appropriate. As long as we put on the posture of a desperate person, most people will be terrified. But the measure must be controlled. The sutras say controlling life without killing is the hardest thing. With unreasonable people, stopping their wrongdoing is important, but one must have the spirit of the traditional Chinese martial arts known as stopping one inch short: once the opponent submits and recognizes their error, that is enough. Do not actually cut or kill—that is not courage, that is folly. Even when teaching someone a lesson, one should retain a measure of forgiveness. The truly irredeemable are few; killing one person leaves a family in pain.

No desire, no anger, no fear. Having achieved these three no-things, a person living in this world—no matter how wretched the world is—will not be harmed by it. Do what needs doing cheerfully, and live happily. No one in this world has an obligation to be responsible for our life. Our own happiness and joy must be grasped by ourselves; our own rights must be defended by ourselves; our own mood must be adjusted by ourselves.

Only when one becomes strong oneself can the world fail to hurt us.

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