Your World Is Your Own; Others' Worlds Are Theirs
Only after dwelling in a low place do you know the danger of climbing high; only after dwelling in the dark do you know how exposed is facing the light; only after keeping still do you know the exhaustion of being forever active; only after cultivating silence do you know the restlessness of much speaking.
— Excerpted from Caigentan (Vegetable Root Discourse)
"The world is one's own, and has nothing to do with others." This is a moving remark by Yang Jiang, the lifelong partner of Qian Zhongshu. Of all the countless beings living in this great world, each has his own demands, his own needs, his own beliefs and his own understanding. We are but one of the multitude. Whether or not we leave the world, in the vast universe and infinite time and space, we are an insignificant speck. So it is with ordinary people, and no less with the great. If one can live in the depths of one's own soul and not seek happiness from outside, happiness is easily attained.
No two leaves in the world are alike, nor can there be two people of exactly matching temperaments. To pursue ultimate understanding of others, or to be ultimately understood by others, is futile. One must grow used to the fact that, most of the time, we have to live in our own world and take joy in it. Now and then, one or two close friends to chat with, to while away the boredom, to share a humor—this is the pleasure of communion. To seek more, to hope for a shared world of two who love each other, depends on whether one is blessed.
Every year I fall into a period of contemplation, usually around the turn of spring and summer; each spell lasts one or two months, as I think over the various problems of life I have met, write a series of articles, and leave behind what I have gained. Each contemplation raises me, to one degree or another. Such spells are usually triggered either by external circumstances or by restlessness within. This year's spell has now basically ended. Some things I had not worked out before, I now understand; some attachments I had not let go, I have let go.
The greatest gain of this contemplation is a contented heart. Laozi said: "No crime is greater than indulging desire; no misfortune greater than discontent; no fault greater than the craving to gain. Therefore the contentment of the contented is always enough." To be content is easy to say, hard to do. To see the good and not crave it is contentment; to be content amid nothing at all is contentment. Contentment presupposes the extinguishing of all desire; it is a state of seeking no result. Only when all follows nature—welcome what comes, seek nothing that has no cause, grieve not when conditions end—can it be called contentment.
Contentment is not merely being content with material life and with friendship, family love, and romance; it also includes contentment on the higher level of spiritual pursuit. Contentment is a constant state, unchanged by switching objects or fields. If one is content in one respect but discontent in another, one is still not content.
When a person is content, he has self-knowledge: he is neither arrogant nor self-abasing. Hiding in a corner, quietly doing what he loves, loving those he loves, enjoying the joy in the depths of his soul. He seeks no fame, no recognition from outside, and cares not for outside denial; he seeks neither flowers nor applause, and cares not for abuse or criticism. To pass this life calmly with such a heart—this is thorough contentment.
The hardest person to conquer is oneself, not others. Once one has subdued one's restless heart and sunk it to the bottom, one finds that nothing in the world can confound it. Dwelling in a lowly position, hiding one's light, staying quiet and silent, lowering one's life expectations until they cannot be lowered further—then one can be at peace in any state. The wisdom required for thorough contentment is almost the wisdom that understands all the deepest mysteries.
Another great gain of this contemplation is that, so long as no serious consequence such as the loss of life is involved, I will not take even the slightest interfering attitude toward any person or any thing in this world. Participating in worldly affairs was my old attitude; non-participation is my present one. I work hard and accomplish things solely to develop and improve myself, for the benefit of myself and of those with whom I have affinity.
The world is rich and varied, and beings are rich and varied; every member of the multitude has his own outlook on life, world, and values, and these determine his attitude toward living. The differences between people are objective. The standard of right and wrong lies neither in others' hands nor in our own; our ruler can measure only our own world, and others will not use our ruler to measure theirs. To respect this difference between people is the precondition for being fully at peace with the outside world.
If one takes one's own belief as the sole truth, one easily falls into bigotry. Once bigotry arises, one cannot help always wanting to change others and remake the world. Of all people, I find those who think themselves always right and love to lecture others the most odious. Such people are frogs at the bottom of a well: with no self-knowledge and no idea how vast the world is, a little learning in their bellies makes them think themselves the most noble and correct in the universe, and in the end they easily become the extreme and bigoted.
Only by opening one's horizons does one see how limited one's knowledge is and how infinite the unknown; with self-knowledge, one is less easily displeased with others. One should not enter a closed organization that reinforces one's bigotry; the approval of like-minded people often strengthens one's trust and pride in a certain belief or view, making it harder to see one's own blind spots and hindering one's growth into a broadly learned, tolerant person.
I believe that in studying any subject one must go deep in order to understand, and then step back out in order to understand still more. Going deep is to know its strengths; stepping back is to know its shortcomings. To date, every crystallization of human wisdom has its flaws. If one embraces some idea or belief too tightly, one is doomed to be poisoned by it, blinded by it without knowing.
Only after affirming an idea or belief can one negate it and extract its essence while discarding its dross. The spirit of doubt is the foundation of seeking truth; without self-doubt, one is cheated by all manner of self-consistent lies, falls into biased belief and bigotry, and in the end cannot achieve a tolerant and humble heart. Arrogance is the twin sister of prejudice: whoever has prejudice has arrogance; whoever has arrogance has people and things he cannot abide.
To admit that the world is rich and varied is, in a sense, to know one's own insufficiency, to know one cannot exhaust every realm of wisdom, and to know that others have their own strengths. To appreciate others who are different from oneself, and to admit the world one does not understand.
So, one's own world is one's own, and others' worlds are theirs. As Jefferson said: every person's soul is his own to tend. Do not live in others' worlds, do not judge or dictate to others, and let one's own world hold only oneself or one or two close friends—enough.