Moving Forward in a Relaxed State

The weather in Beijing has turned cold, not great for outdoor exercise. Even so, I still insist on cycling about 20 kilometers at noon every day, taking an hour and a half. My route is basically fixed: from Zizhu Bridge to Xiangshan (Fragrant Hills), then back along Yuquan Hill.

My schedule is a bit tight: six hours a day reviewing middle- and high-school courses, two hours researching cancer, and two hours answering various inquiries. Still, I keep exercising every day, because exercise really does reduce stress, relax the mind, and improve sleep.

I do not intend to live a stressful life. The key to a stress-free life is not setting expectations too high. Set the bottom line of living at the lowest, or even have no bottom line, and there is no stress to speak of. I often tell my son: whatever your ideal, understand that everyone ultimately returns to a handful of loess, so do not be weighed down by ideals. It is great if an ideal is realized, but no great loss if it is not. We keep moving forward without slacking, going as far as we get, but we absolutely do not live under pressure for the sake of an ideal.

My greatest regret is not having cultivated exercise habits in my son when he was young—such habits are easier to build in early childhood. Sadly, back then I myself did not love exercise and was busy working. Now it is really hard to get him to exercise as I do. It is not that he refuses; when I take him, he is willing to go, but he lacks both the habit and the time I now have, so he is overweight. I recently told him I do not care whether he gets into a good university; what I care about is that my son has a healthy body and a peaceful heart, and enjoys a lifetime with less illness, fewer disasters, and less worry.

If other people's children want to stand out, let them. If my child can spend his whole life in physical and mental health doing work he loves, what does it matter if he does not shine?

I do not know how many more years this pandemic will last, and I do not even think about it; perhaps we will live in its shadow all our lives. A news report the other day mentioned that, according to the WHO, the number of anxiety and depression patients worldwide has soared because of the pandemic. Some American statistics show the pandemic has caused a surge in mental-health caseloads, with many clinical doctors themselves booking therapy appointments, and long waiting lists. I do not know the situation in China, having seen no reports or data.

The day before yesterday a friend told me that on her way to work she ran into a colleague in the elevator; the colleague began to cry in the elevator, saying she felt ill but did not dare take leave, because taking leave meant risking losing her job, and losing her job meant losing her livelihood. I felt for her; this is the true portrait of our ordinary people's lives.

So I try my best to help my relatives, friends, and fellow patients relieve their psychological pressure, teaching them to relax and to move forward in a relaxed state; I myself stay relaxed through exercise and gardening. A student who is not relaxed cannot do well on exams; an adult who is not relaxed cannot do good work; a patient who is not relaxed cannot recover.

My place has become a sounding board for many people, including many doctor friends, who vent to me—probably because they trust me and know I will not betray whatever they say. Through their venting I know that these past two years have been hard for everyone; people in every trade struggle, and work and life are deeply oppressive.

I only ask to meet the bare minimum of living—not starving is enough. I have never signed my child up for cram schools; thanks to the state's compulsory education, his schooling has cost almost nothing. Though I keep walking my own idealistic road, I have always followed the principle of taking a lifelong project at a lifelong pace, not rushing for quick success. I do not even care whether I ultimately succeed, so my stress is low and I live fairly relaxed. Every day, what I hear, see, and feel is mostly the tragic stories of terminal patients; if I did not know how to relax, my mind would have collapsed long ago.

Life is hard, and everyone has plenty of troubles. Learn to find joy amid the hardship.