Not Fighting Against the Laws of Nature: My College Entrance Exam Is Over
This year's college entrance exam (gaokao) scores are out, and many friends who care about me have asked in the background how I did. I will answer uniformly: I scored 400 this year, 50 points more than last year. Hubei province's undergraduate cutoff line for the physics track this year is 426, down 11 points from last year. My score has already achieved my bottom-line goal; getting into a TCM junior college is more than enough, and I have both public and private options to choose from.
I do not plan to keep fighting on, because four years from now I will take the gaokao again in Beijing, next time to apply for clinical medicine. Beijing's admission cutoff is about 200 points lower than Hubei's, so next time, whether I take the regular gaokao or the adult gaokao, I will not have to struggle so hard. Wasting any more time on the gaokao would be pure foolishness, so I have decided that if I am admitted this year, I will go and finish this associate degree.
After last year's and this year's gaokao, I have come to understand that I cannot fight against the laws of nature. As age increases, brain decline is unavoidable, and I no longer have the ability to compete with the young on the gaokao. Although for various reasons over the past year I could not prepare with full effort, and my father fell and was injured the day before the exam, which affected me to some extent, I carefully and objectively assessed that even if I had prepared with full effort and nothing unexpected had happened, I could only have scored about 50 more points this year. Another 50 points would not mean much. If I prepared for another year, perhaps I could score over a hundred more on this year's basis, but a hundred-plus more would not change the outcome much. So I have decided to give up such low-value effort and devote my time to more meaningful things.
Before this year's exam scores came out, I visited in person each of the schools I wanted to apply to, and finally made my application decision. Some friends wanted to give me advice on filling out preferences; I am very grateful for your kindness. But honestly, an adult like me going to university has a different purpose from a fresh graduate; I have my own considerations. These considerations are beyond your experience, so please do not trouble yourselves; I have long known how I will fill out my preferences.
In the past I considered other people's opinions too much when doing things. Now I understand a truth: for me, the most important thing is to stand on my own position and make choices according to my own present circumstances and wishes. So I will make these future plans according to my own wishes, unaffected by others' opinions; only I know which choice suits me best. Moreover, as a mature adult, I am fully capable of making the choice most advantageous to myself.
My ultimate goal is to obtain the qualification of an integrated Chinese-Western general practitioner. To reach this goal, I have already designed a relatively relaxed route. In the past I always feared no difficulty and took the hardest road. Now that I have the conditions to take a relatively easier path, I do not want to make things hard for myself. Enduring hardship is not the purpose of life, nor is it wisdom. My focus is on further research in the direction I have already opened up; obtaining a degree is only to follow the rules and make work convenient. One should not forget what matters most in life and waste time on secondary things.
My father's fall this year made me realize that I have an inescapable responsibility to care for my family. Though my father has a somewhat strong temper, he has been conscientious toward his family and children, loves us deeply, worked hard to support our education, and lived very frugally himself while fully securing our living and schooling. After my mother fell ill, he cared for her meticulously. After my mother passed away, he was utterly grief-stricken and could not recover for many years. I cannot leave him uncared for in his old age and sickness, nor can I dump the responsibility of caring for him on my younger sister; either would be too selfish. So I will not consider an education plan that would consume almost all my energy; I will try to secure more flexible educational conditions to complete my integrated Chinese-Western higher education plan while balancing family care.
During my exam preparation, my body sounded several alarms. Honestly, preparing for China's gaokao at an older age and competing on the same field with eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds is truly not easy, and the body does not support it. Because of my age and a previous car accident, my memory has declined markedly; memorizing a word dozens of times, I still find it unfamiliar when I see it again.
When I was young, my revered teacher evaluated me as "never forgetting what I read, with a strong memory and broad knowledge." Today, memorizing words and formulas requires dozens of times the effort of my youth. My advantages are no longer in these areas; my clinical experience and life wisdom, and the broadened knowledge I have built over so many years of study, are my strengths. I should play to my strengths and avoid my weaknesses in order to maximize the value of the rest of my life.
Life is unpredictable; accidents are the norm of life, and it is impossible to have none. There are always unpredictable surprises; I cannot foresee what accidents may come, so I do not pin my hopes on an accident-free future, nor do I blame my less-than-ideal exam this year on accidents. Letting everything take its natural course is the best outcome.
Finally, thank you all again for your care.