I Am Preparing for the 2025 College Entrance Exam; Time Is Tight, Please Do Not Disturb

Dear readers, patients, relatives, and friends: a week ago, on September 12, I formally gave up the admission I had obtained in this year's college entrance exam, completed the withdrawal of my file, and am preparing to retake the 2025 exam. Originally I did not want to announce this; I hoped to quietly review for eight or nine months and only make it public after next year's exam. But many readers and WeChat friends do not understand my situation and still occasionally pester me for no reason. After much thought, I am making this decision public, hoping everyone will try not to disturb me until next year's exam ends. Some friends repeatedly disturb me and occupy my time for no reason; I will delete and block them.

Why did I decide to withdraw my file and retake the exam? There are two reasons.

The first, and main, reason is that I realized that, 26 years after leaving high school, I have forgotten too much of my foundational knowledge. To continue studying modern medicine in depth, I cannot keep up with university coursework without these basics. I tried to make them up over the summer, but the gap was too large and too much had been forgotten to repair in so short a time. So I hope to spend about another year reviewing the foundations and properly going to university once.

Having reached middle age, every remaining day is precious to me. I do not like wasting life on empty forms; if I am going to study, I want to study seriously, learn something real, and improve my overall ability. This will benefit not only the patients I serve but also myself and my family; at the very least, in future I can use more comprehensive medical knowledge to help everyone and care for my family.

The second reason: after being admitted, I visited the school with my family and was very disappointed in it. It is a school where it is easy to drift through and collect a degree, but since my youth I have never drifted through life; I do everything seriously, so I cannot accept such a school. Used to self-discipline, I may be unable, deep down, to lower my standards or accept graduating from such a place. The day I visited the campus, my resolve began to waver. But after all, at middle age, taking the college entrance exam is not easy, so I kept hesitating and struggling, until on September 12 I formally gave up this admission and completed the withdrawal procedures.

I am not a gaokao "die-hard," but I am ashamed to have wasted an admissions slot this year. Perhaps a school I dislike is one another candidate badly wanted; after all, more than a hundred thousand examinees in my province scored lower than me this year, and for them studying may be a real struggle. Some of them may have wanted to attend such a school, yet the slot was wasted on me, so I am truly sorry.

Because of work and family, I could not previously set aside dedicated time to prepare, and last year I was also in a car accident, so the 2024 exam was essentially a cold sit; although I scored 350 and was admitted by a medical college, that was still far from my wish. I do not know what result nine months of review will bring, but I still want to challenge myself.

Although I do not want to set preconceived goals for 2025, now that I plan to review seriously, I do not want to score too poorly next year; I want to aim for a public medical undergraduate college. But the admission cutoff for public medical undergraduates is basically within the top 10% of the province, and for a middle-aged man who left high school nearly 30 years ago to score in the top 10% is very hard; it will take real hardship, which I have already begun to taste in recent days of review.

To be honest, when exhausted and aching all over, I have also thought of giving up this decision, going to the school I was admitted to, and just collecting a degree to make do. But every time I wake after a night's sleep, I still feel I cannot shrink back or lie flat. If I lower my demands on myself at 45, then after 50 or 55, as my strength declines, I will never again summon the will to make a genuine second effort. So, although over 80% of my relatives and friends have urged me not to wear myself out, to make do and get a degree for an easy life, I have resolutely chosen to start over.

The pressure of preparing to retake the exam is great, so I hope everyone understands my predicament and does not disturb me without reason. As an adult, however, I will still dutifully shoulder the social responsibilities that are mine; I will not slack off in the work I am still doing, because it concerns human life, and my diploma will never be as important as a human life. I can accept a lesser diploma, but I cannot accept that anyone should die prematurely because of my negligence; I do not kill Bo Ren, and I do not want Bo Ren to die because of me.

Over the next eight-plus months, I will spend my days mainly doing practice questions at the National Library, attend online lectures at home in the evening, and still offer consultations to new and established patients from 5:00 to 7:30 p.m., trying to update articles daily. But if time grows too tight and my study progress suffers, updates may pause at any time. After getting through these months, at university my time will be relatively freer, and I can devote more of it to serving everyone.

Many people do not know how heavy my study and workload now is, and mistakenly think I still have time and energy to chat. Let me describe my actual situation: I wake around three or four in the morning, never later than five, and read and study alone at the dining table. Around eight I head for the library, memorizing vocabulary while queuing at the door. When it opens at nine I go in and do practice questions until around five in the afternoon, then return home to handle the day's work. Occasionally, if there is no work that day, I will keep doing questions until nine at night before going home, and may nap for half an hour after lunch. In the evening at home I watch online lectures and study until about nine or ten, when I sleep.

Every Monday, when the library is closed, I go to my vegetable plot to water, pick, and weed, a moderate change of pace that takes about three hours. After returning from the plot I continue reviewing; in the evening I walk or cycle with my family nearby to relax. Overall my study and workload are very heavy. I used to rarely be affected by flu, but the recent wave has felled me. The day before yesterday I had a splitting headache and nausea, feeling I might collapse at any moment; fortunately, after eight hours of sleep I was full of energy again.

Since childhood I have been stubborn, hardworking, and persevering; in youth I may even say I was tempered by the fires of hell. I have gone hungry, slept on the streets, run around everywhere for my mother's illness, suffered the loss of loved ones, shed many tears, and endured endless torment. Having been through such trials, this hardship is nothing to me. But after all I am over forty-five, and my body is not made of iron. So I hope everyone can understand my situation, not disturb me without reason, and certainly not come to chat out of curiosity; otherwise you will no longer be my friend.