On Gatherings with Strangers

Qian Zhongshu, that "unruly genius," once mocked so-called symposiums, saying they are "actually just inviting a motley crew of people to eat some unhygienic food, spend some murkily sourced money, exchange some insipid remarks, and hold a thoroughly incongruous meeting."

Those words strike a chord in me. What I have feared most in my life is going out to eat with people, especially when I must sit at the same table with total strangers. Though the situation is not as severe as Qian Zhongshu described, such gatherings still make me very uncomfortable.

Nowadays at gatherings, as people chat, they like to exchange contact information. Usually at that point I hesitate, extremely reluctant to exchange contacts. This does not look like someone who has mixed in Chinese business circles, because supposedly to succeed in Chinese business you must build your own circle of friends and exchange resources.

All I can say, from the bottom of my heart, is that I find this wearisome. Two people from different industries and with different values can neither discuss professional issues nor understand each other's life attitudes; they have scarcely any common ground. Making "friends" in such circumstances is purely a waste of energy, spent on insincerely flattering and talking nonsense to the other person.

The word "friend" is a most interesting one. Those who can truly become friends must be kindred spirits; within a few words they immediately click. Those who cannot become friends, even after sharing one or two meals—or three or five—at the same table, ultimately still cannot become friends.

I have quite a number of "friends" too, though only a few are close; ordinary friends are many. Most of us simply meet when chance allows, and afterward we are like strangers. We almost never bother each other; those one can truly feel free to "bother" must share a deep bond. Given this, I am very reluctant to expand my circle of friends.

A person's energy is truly limited. Wasting large amounts of time on social activities leaves little time to feel the genuine joys of life.

So now I simply avoid gatherings with strangers whenever I can, saving the time to be with my family, read books, or write. Such a life suits my temperament far better than rare delicacies and a house full of distinguished guests.